008; blog rumours make elliott smith fans cry more than elliott smith songs do.

i've been grossly ill all weekend, and inbetween the sleeping and the vomiting i've come across a rumour online that they're making an elliott smith biopic. while this is brilliant, the second part of the rumour says that zach braff is the actor up for the role of elliott.

lol WHUT.

don't get me wrong, i love zach braff. his comic timing in scrubs is wonderful, as is his everything in garden state, but he is completely and utterly NOT an elliott smith. zach braff is really good at playing... zach braffish characters. i mean, i'm sure he's good at doing other things too, but like jason schwartzman has his max fischer, zach braff has his andrew largeman. at this point i would like to add that i adore jason schwartzman and he has a much broader acting range than just max fischer, but hopefully you see what i'm getting at there.

however, the main reason i have doubt in this rumour is because there is absolutely no physical resemblance between elliott and zach. zach braff looks like john ritter. zach braff looks like that shady guy that went out with anne hathaway. if you're going to find an actor to play elliott smith the most important part is: THE LUMPYNESS. elliott's adorable lumpy face. you can't have a baby-faced elliott. that's blasphemous. heath ledger would've been the best choice for an elliott, but sadly this is hindered by the fact that a) much like elliott, he's dead just now and b) heath ledger was a nick drake fanboy over an elliott fanboy. the only other lumpyfaced person i can think of is gordon ramsy, but that wouldn't real work for several reasons that there's no point even going into. so, it would seem that there's no-one. however, currently on channel one kinky boots is playing (which i saw at the movies when it came out and it's one of those lovely billy elliott heartwarming-to-the-point-of-heartburn pieces of queer cinema that everyone should see) and i remember when i first saw it my brain screamed; ELLIOTT. ELLIOTT, YOU ARE IN A FILM DESPITE YOUR DEADNESS. HOW IS THIS. and it's because of joel edgerton. not only was he in ned kelly with faux elliot #1 heath ledger, but he was in star wars! anyone in star wars is cool! i strongly urge everyone to sign one of those online petitions nominating joel edgerton as elliott smith in the rumoured upcoming film. let us all forget for now that those petitions achieve nothing. let us instead BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF THE INTERNET.

because if you believe in the internet, anything is possible. even dobby/sponge fanfiction. go on, google it. then claw your eyes out and lobotomize yourself.