011; a couple o' guys who were up to no good, started remakin' movies in china-hood.

will smith is pretty cool. i won't lie. one minute he's all nu-rave pre-nu-rave, chillin' out maxin', relaxin', all cool, shootin' some b-ball outside o' school, then he's shootin' some aliens, then pursuing happiness and spelling 'happiness' incorrectly. he's a machine. he's a rapping machine. he's all kinds of legit.

but i have a bone to pick with you, mr fresh prince phd. i'm not sure if you're aware of this but your son ('jaden') is going to star in a remake of the timeless classic the karate kid.

...already emotion wells up in my chest as i remember the sad passing of pat morita, the people's karate mentor. whenever i go out to the beach to perform the crane on my wood stump i can't help but hear 'wax on, wax off' in the crashing waves. i taste salt in my mouth, but it's not the splash of the ocean but my own nostalgic tears...

i don't know if this new version of the karate kid can be really be classified as a remake. a) the daniel-san character is played by a ten year old, b) it's in china as opposed to japan, c) it's in china as opposed to the us (i know karate kid 2 was in japan but you can't just launch off into asia without street smart american dicks from the cobra kai dojo) and d) it's not even about karate.

they're remaking the karate kid and it's not even about karate.

re: ten year old daniel-san, how is this interesting? the karate kid was brilliant for the awkward teenage situations! for daniel dressing up as a shower at prom! ten year olds don't have proms! ten year olds don't even have personalities yet. or souls. they may as well just re-cast ralph macchio, with his hormone deficiency he still looks about fifteen anyway. they probably serve him the children's menu when he goes out to dinner.

apparently this whole thing is being made solely as a 'star vehicle' for jaden smith. yeah, he's going to be a huge star after a film is made that has a huge ass budget, earns no money and pisses off every single fan of the original films. NO QUESTION.

if pat morita was still alive he'd find a way to either stop this or make a good movie out of it. because as we all know, man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything.

006; don't you hate it when you're just trying to navigate a forest and wild pidgeys keep appearing ever five fucking seconds.

i awoke in the middle of the night with the pokemon theme song stuck in my head. i can't explain why, but sometimes wonderful things happen to wonderful people, and i can only assume this is karma. i'm not sure what for. maybe i have unwittingly saved orphans from having their eyes spat on by thugs by choosing not to go into starbucks. say i had entered starbucks, had gone up to the scene kid barista (we are assuming i did this on a saturday morning at cathedral square, since that seems to be when the scene kids have their shifts) and attempted to get a soy chai latte, only to be incapable of pronouncing any of the words required to make an order. behind me in line a mullet'd twenty-something who likes to pretend he's still in the 90's becomes royally pissed off with my inability to order and storms out, only to take his rage out on some orphans sitting at the friendship corner and spitting in their eyes (to make it worse, they were sitting at the friendship corner on the anniversary on their parents' deaths, where five years ago to that day they were killed when a man who had just been eating peanuts spat in their eyes and triggered off their intense allergies). i think i have digressed here but the point is: i am a hero.

imagine my disappointment as i went to get my gameboy advance (pokemon edition, might i add) only to discover the cartridge for pokemon gold was NOT in it! and it wasn't with my other games! why, it was like an unfashionable man spitting in my eyes on the anniversary of my parents' deaths triggered by peanut allergies that were themselves triggered during a similar attack! if you can imagine such a terrible scene. apparently my friend has it because i appear to have loaned it to him (i'm not sure why i would do this, maybe i had forgotten to get him a birthday gift and i panicked) and in the meantime i have to retreat to the depths of my childhood memories and quench my pokemon related thirst with it. remembering my pokemon back-pack. remembering my giant meowth pillow. remembering my collection of 200+ figurines. remembering my actual pokedex, and how one day in the mall a kid asked me if he could see it and i told him to go away. remembering the gameboy theme song...

i think the point that i'm getting to is that this blog will probably end up being shortlived since when i get my pokemon cartridge back it will take over my life and i will invariably regress mentally to the age of eight. and if this blog does continue a new post will be made every time i win a gym badge, and i will post pictures of me in the flared pants and t-shirts with giant pictures of cats on them that i used to wear at the age of eight. listening to boyzone and writing poetry about chickens riding wheelbarrows.

even worse, i could start cosplaying misty.

BRB YOUTUBING EPISODES.