006; don't you hate it when you're just trying to navigate a forest and wild pidgeys keep appearing ever five fucking seconds.

i awoke in the middle of the night with the pokemon theme song stuck in my head. i can't explain why, but sometimes wonderful things happen to wonderful people, and i can only assume this is karma. i'm not sure what for. maybe i have unwittingly saved orphans from having their eyes spat on by thugs by choosing not to go into starbucks. say i had entered starbucks, had gone up to the scene kid barista (we are assuming i did this on a saturday morning at cathedral square, since that seems to be when the scene kids have their shifts) and attempted to get a soy chai latte, only to be incapable of pronouncing any of the words required to make an order. behind me in line a mullet'd twenty-something who likes to pretend he's still in the 90's becomes royally pissed off with my inability to order and storms out, only to take his rage out on some orphans sitting at the friendship corner and spitting in their eyes (to make it worse, they were sitting at the friendship corner on the anniversary on their parents' deaths, where five years ago to that day they were killed when a man who had just been eating peanuts spat in their eyes and triggered off their intense allergies). i think i have digressed here but the point is: i am a hero.

imagine my disappointment as i went to get my gameboy advance (pokemon edition, might i add) only to discover the cartridge for pokemon gold was NOT in it! and it wasn't with my other games! why, it was like an unfashionable man spitting in my eyes on the anniversary of my parents' deaths triggered by peanut allergies that were themselves triggered during a similar attack! if you can imagine such a terrible scene. apparently my friend has it because i appear to have loaned it to him (i'm not sure why i would do this, maybe i had forgotten to get him a birthday gift and i panicked) and in the meantime i have to retreat to the depths of my childhood memories and quench my pokemon related thirst with it. remembering my pokemon back-pack. remembering my giant meowth pillow. remembering my collection of 200+ figurines. remembering my actual pokedex, and how one day in the mall a kid asked me if he could see it and i told him to go away. remembering the gameboy theme song...

i think the point that i'm getting to is that this blog will probably end up being shortlived since when i get my pokemon cartridge back it will take over my life and i will invariably regress mentally to the age of eight. and if this blog does continue a new post will be made every time i win a gym badge, and i will post pictures of me in the flared pants and t-shirts with giant pictures of cats on them that i used to wear at the age of eight. listening to boyzone and writing poetry about chickens riding wheelbarrows.

even worse, i could start cosplaying misty.

BRB YOUTUBING EPISODES.

005; OMG PLZ SING THE DOOM SONG FOR ME! DOOM DOOM DOOM!

if i ever become famous (which i obviously will) i want to be like jhonen vasquez. i want to create something awesome that has the unpleasant side effect of spawning the worst fanbase anyone could ever have. fyi i don't include myself in this group, i like to put myself in the 2% of people who are reasonable fans of his work (johnny the homicidal maniac, invader zim etc.). but the other 98%, oh, their existence is cruel. merely thinking about them is like being stabbed in the brain because they have this unique ability to make you briefly less intelligent. on further though... maybe they're all a race of super humans? well, not super humans because then they'd probably have awesome tron suits instead of stripey hot-topic sweatshirts. they're probably not very resistant to the pressure in space. or the heat in hell.

part of me worries that maybe jhonen vasquez brought this on himself a bit, due to his previous life as a mall goth. and i think part of him worries about that too, thus his impressive transition from the picture on the left to his snappily dressed present self. but a $3000 suit can't hide your past, jhonen! that's what the internet is here for!

you know that jhonen is having fun when he titles a blog about the san diego comic con as 'Reporting LIVE from the throbbing ass of Hell'. he then follows this up with how much he hates cosplayers. in a later entry he then tries to educate his readers (which is silly because they don't have brains, just skulls full of gir figurines!) by informing them that he doesn't actually like being harassed when he's in a conversation, no matter how trivial, because he doesn't value their opinions. to be fair he prefaces that entry with, 'Contrary to popular belief, however, it's not the fans that get me to this point...' but i don't believe it for a second, jhonen, you sly bastard. especially since this was around the release of jellyfist. it's okay, i bought it, you can harass away.

the sad thing is i think that the fans are completely oblivious to the fact that he doesn't like being asked when invader zim is coming back. they probably think he enjoys engaging in a conversation about such an original topic that is both stimulating, revealing and heartwarming. they don't know he's praying for lasers to erupt from his eyes. it's almost cute, the naivety. it's less cute though since a lot of them have massively gauged ears, and through the gaping hole of skin you can see another three hundred replicas clutching their cute wee neon coloured cameras and non-licensed chain store merchandise. you might think i'm making a broad generalization here, but that's what broad generalizations are for. to apply to a group of people who all took in the same photo of bill kaulitz from tokio hotel to their hairdresser and who really connected with invader zim because they discovered that they're not alone in being S0o0o0o0o RANDUM ^_^

this photo is pretty brilliant because it captures jhonen vasquez's supreme hatred on camera. if you just read his blogs you might think that he's being sarcastic when he talks about wanting to kill them all. but your eyes don't lie, jhonen. as captioned by my surrogate brother arran: "fuck, i wish this pen was sharper."

jhonen vasquez's blog @ questionsleep.com & chancrescolex.livejournal.com.